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The Gold Coast Bender (a.k.a Uni Games)

14 Reasons Gold Coast Uni Games is the Best & Worst week of your life

The Gold Coast Bender (a.k.a Uni Games)


1. You can get into nightclubs even if you can’t walk

Surely the Gold Coast has some kind of deal with the nightclubs for this week. The state that it’s possible to get into these clubs of the night is just absurd. RSA what?


2. Even if you can’t get in, there’s plenty more to crawl to

On the odd occasion that you do get knocked back, you only have to roll across the road into another. Luckily all the clubs are the same deal with a different name. What about your friends? They’ll probably roll in soon.


3. If you make it out late enough, chances are you’ll get laid

Sport finishes early, so consuming does as well. After a few rounds of pre’s in different hotel rooms, the nights become long and only the strong survive. The weakest in the herd are culled and the mating hours begin.


3+1. Your hangover only kicks in after your first game of the day

The key to a quality first game in the morning is making sure you’re still a bit tipsy. The hangover is inevitable, but it’s vital to leave enough juice in the tank for that early start.


5. When your hangover does kick in, the beach is not far

As the mouth gets drier and the head gets heavier, salt water is the best cure. Thanks to the Gold Coasts beach bum culture, you can mosey on down to the waters in whatever attire you wake up in.


6. Wearing costumes that should be illegal

Some of the getups to be witnessed are not just rude, but outright criminal. From mankinis to naked Gandalf with a wizard stick, and stripper Cinderella to Mufasa post-stampede, I can now say with strong conviction that I have seen it all.



7. It’s like schoolies, only you’re a more seasoned consumer

Walk down the streets of Byron Bay on schoolies week and you’ll likely see a plethora of teens passed out in bushes covered in their own ralph; they can’t handle their booze. At uni games, you’ll likely just walk past someone with their eyes in the back of their head, clearly brain dead but the body has learnt to cope.


8. There’s a 40% chance you’ll need a liver transplant

I used “learnt to cope” with a grain of salt. Get your liver function test done when you get home – for your own good. Maybe signup to the transplant waiting list in advance.


9. Being a fresher

If you told any rational human being to pay money to be other people’s bitches and to cook them dinner, they’d probably laugh in your face. But somehow, being a fresher can actually be the best week of your life. It’s all about embracing the shame.


10. Not being a fresher

In saying that, coming back the next year and being the bitch-er not the bitch-ee is pretty sweet as well. There’s a time for everything.


11. Post uni games antibiotics are inevitable #puga

After a week of sheer neglect, there’s a reasonable chance your body will rally against you and attempt a biological mutiny. Thank god for modern medicine.


12. Post uni games depression is inevitable #pugd

You manage to form pretty bonding friendship after a week of memorable experiences. Partnered with the realization that your exams are dangerously close, these withdrawals can be a bit of a downer. Only 364 days to go.


12+1. You spend more cash in one week than the rest of semester

I’d advise trying to at least budget a little bit. I made the mistake of giving my balance-monitoring a hall pass, and I’ve certainly paid the price. Like, a seriously-considering-Nimble kind of price.


14. Fuck off UTS

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