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Butter Chicken – by Will Paine

Okay, so I’m at the RMIT library doing some work/ playing doodle jump, killing time whilst waiting for my next class. The library was as packed as Hazza Young‘s Smash lunchbox and as a result was starting to get a bit too toasty for my liking, so I take off my jumper.

An Indian fella asks if he can join me on this table, and I said ‘no issues mate!’ in a overly friendly and exaggerated Aussie accent. I wasn’t not too sure why I said it like that. Anywho, I watch the man as he unpacks his bag and throws his studying equipment on the desk, and am shocked to see him pull out 7 Tupperware containers of butter chicken!! SEVEN!! Anyway, I just assumed he was providing for friends, and didn’t think all too much of it. And in the end, the butter chicken has nothing to do with the story, but I still found it amazing and thought it was worth chucking in.

Anywhat, clock strikes 5 so I pack my shit up and I head off to my class. I get there and the room is empty. FUCK. This happens to me almost twice a week. My fkn class has been fucking cancelled. Fkn fuck. But, I’m in the city and decide I may as well go back to the library and study. The Tupperware man is still at the table, so I decide to go back to my original spot, but as I near closer, I notice something very odd. I thought I was seeing things at first, but no.

THE BUTTER CHICKEN MAN WAS WEARING MY YEAR 12 JUMPER!!!!!! What the flippin heck?!?! I am shocked. I could see the name ‘JUNNA’ spread across the back, so there was no doubt. I wander towards him, unsure how to approach this, and just say ‘mate…’
He replies ‘yo man’ AS IF HE ISN’T WEARING A COMPLETE STRANGERS SCHOOL JUMPER. I try to be polite- ‘mate, I think you’ve made a mistake… ahh you see, that’s my jumper you’re wearing haha’.
‘No’ he sharply responds. He returns to his work. I just stand there, dumbfounded. What’s going on here? Am I being ‘punk’d’? He then adds ‘I find it, my jumper, file the keeper’ (I assumed he meant ‘finders keepers’, so I just ignored the mistake). ‘Okay mate’, still trying to keep my cool, ‘that’s not quite how it works around here’… He stands and slams his hand on the desk, ‘AROUND HERE?! AROUND HERE?! FUCK YOU!!’ I knew exactly where he was going with this… ‘THIS MY JUMPER YOU RACIST!!!’

He screeches. The whole fucking library turns around and stares at me in horror. I am freaking the fuck out. It was hard to keep cool at this moment, ‘mate! I’m sorry but it’s my jumper, I’m not being racist at all!’ I sharply whispered, as I didn’t want to draw anymore attention to the situation. But this was far from over. His stare is piercing, he takes a deep breath and screams ‘COS I’M BLACK?!?’ This wasn’t good. Not good at all.

The onlookers all gasped simultaneously. This was fkn bullshit. I, like most of the spectators, was speechless. I look around for support. Beads of sweat begin to stream down my forehead and my heart is pumping out of my chest. He then takes one last look at me, a deep breath AND FKN SPITS ON ME!!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!! I COULD FEEL A GRAIN OF YELLOW RICE RESTING IN A GROOVE RIGHT BELOW MY EYE!!!! FKN GROSS!!!! He then gathers his shit and storms out of the library STILL WEARING MY FKN JUMPER!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

I’m left standing there with hundreds of people staring at me. I was that close to crying. What the fuck. Worst day of my life. I grab my stuff and run out the door, eyes following me the whole way, and head home, in the cold, still in shock. INSANE! STILL FURIOUS ABOUT THE LOSS OF A GOOD JUMPER!

Will Paine


The Local Scoop

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