There aren’t many places you can go these days to get a quiet timeout. Apart from the ever-increasing pressure on Uni students to get good grades, this is probably the reason finding a seat at the library is harder than studying itself. You finally find an empty seat on the silent level. After some final procrastination in setting up your books, filling your water bottle and taking one last glance at yours newsfeed, you’re finally ready to go. The next three hours you’re going to give those books your heart, soul and undivided attention! Then old mate Kevin across the table starts munching on his wasabi peas like fucking Bugs Bunny.
Here are the 7 types of library douches that make you want to go back home, jump into bed and watch House of Cards.
Loud headphones student
Some people like listening to some tunes while punching out some study. Some don’t. I have no qualms with either, it’s a personal choice. What really shits me up the wall though is when someone decides it would be fantastic idea to dial their volume up to the “I’ll-be-deaf-by-age-24” level and the rest of the level also has to endure the torture of their heavy metal. Take it down a notch, for your own health if nothing else.
Bearer of smelly food
I’m all for bringing last night’s dinner in to Uni for lunch. Everyone knows that pizza tastes better the next day anyway. Unfortunately, when it’s been sitting in your bag all day, taking the lid off in a confined space is like passing wind in an elevator. Not cool. Take a break and eat your food elsewhere, nobody is going to steal your Calculus notes.
I’m not some library guru, but I’ve found that they generally have different areas. Some areas where you can chat and get group work done, some for silent study. We all know that one group who have either got their signs mixed up or they simply don’t give a fuck and chat away anyway. Unless dyslexia are on the rise, I’m inclined to believe it’s the latter. Take your phony conversation about your supercharged sex life elsewhere.
Public affection couple
I don’t think I need to explain this one.
Winter is fast approaching; everything starts slowing down including our immune systems. As Phil Collins alluded, you can feel the germs in the air (tonight?). There’s no shame in getting a cold and heading to the library. Uni ain’t gon stop for nobody, I get that. However, preparation is key! Get some tissues to blow your nose every once in a while. I commend the fact you can keep your nose from dripping by sniffing every three seconds and wiping the dregs off with your t-shirt, but it isn’t exactly hygienic or quiet.
The keyboard basher
Typewriters are a thing of the past, but apparently operating one isn’t. Technology is better these days, your keyboard WILL respond to a tap and not a belting! You know that arcade game you play where you have to bop all the groundhogs on their head when they pop out? I literally witnessed someone treating their keys like ground hogs.
And now for the ironic one. There’s always that one person who doesn’t break concentration for 6 hours! Even if I had the mental capacity to achieve such a feat, my body would reject me in the form of a seized up neck and third degree carpel tunnel. Screw you for being so library fit, emotionally and physically.
An easily pissed off student with the concentration of a guinea pig.