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5 Reasons sober nights fail

5 Reasons sober nights fail

1. It’s supplied

Unless you are of the lucky age where you are frequently being invited to 18th or 21st birthday parties, you will truly cherish the luxury of a supplied party. In fact, even if you are going to supplied parties on the regular, it’s bloody hard to turn down a free drink… or ten. You are able to resist temptation early in the night when everyone else is still reasonably sober. However, this foolish dream of saving your brain cells is soon to come to an end.

Everyone has started to hit their peak and your drunken friends are having the time of their lives yelling to shitty sing-alongs, while you’re still discussing how much study you have to do with the more studious individuals. It is at this moment that you come to your senses, realise that it’s not that often you can get wasted for free, and immediately proceed to the bar.

2. Your crush arrives… completely smashed.

They stumble into the venue looking sensational, yet they can hardly put one foot in front of the other. Their drunken state has caused them to show more interest in you than usual, and you begin to think you might actually be in with a chance. Problem is, you don’t want to be the sober creep to take advantage of someone.

The solution? Smash a couple of shots at the bar. Unfortunately… this often results in trying to ‘catch up’ too quickly and you soon find yourself macking on with a toilet seat as vomit dribbles from your nose.

3. Lack of friends

There is almost nothing worse than getting to a club or house party sober and discovering that your only mutual friend is the one that you turned up with. You are now faced with the hard task of trying to awkwardly introduce yourself to everyone in your lifeless, abstinent state. In fact, the only reasonable solution to such a problem too often seems to be heading straight for the bar.

This eliminates the problem in two ways:

  • The last two strawpedo’s have given you a major confidence boost and suddenly you are able to approach every unknown stranger like they’re a best friend that you haven’t seen for years.
  • You get so wasted that you stop giving a fuck about introducing yourself to people (151 shots are usually good for this).


Fear of missing out is one of the most underrated influencers of bad decisions and irrational behaviour. Although we all know nothing good ever happens past 2am, we seem to think that something hilarious might happen on the blurry, 5am cab ride home; something that could not possibly be missed. Next time you’re planning on a sober night out, you may as well take a pencil as well, so you can put a line through anything planned for tomorrow.

5. You know everyone

It’s not all that often that you walk into an event to be swarmed by a crowd of familiar faces. Whilst this a pleasant surprise, the chances of you staying sober are about as promising as Gina Rinehart getting laid. Every drunken friend will soon identify your sober state and proceed to try force liquid courage down your throat with (not so) friendly intent. Try saying no to that.

Chris Perrott


Image: ecpicaFlickr Creative Commons

*Jufl doesn’t support excessive alcohol consumption. It can be fun though.

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